Friendly Relations

Although i have constantly sought friendship, in fact i am very much a loner.  I was quite submissive, mousey mary, as an old childhood friend once described me, unsure of the rest of the world out there.  She was, and still is, i am quite sure, a tall, lithe beauty who never met a stranger.  Always seemingly self confident with a constant entourage of followers.  I was always in her shadow, readily accepted whatever she dished out to me.   I always enjoyed being in her shadow.  Life was always so much more interesting with her.  I realize it is the interaction with persons who are obviously far more intelligent and talented than myself that i seek.  I know  (or think i know) what is going on inside myself, but other folks - they are much more fun to watch. Since i never had the nerve to show what i am on the inside to that outside world, i just needed to find someone to follow.  Maybe i'm just lazy - let others do all that for me??????

Being a loner, it takes time for me to be able to establish relationships with others.  It's relatively easy on "paper" or the written word.  I normally sit back and wait until someone approaches me.  Nowadays, I'm trying to learn to be the initiator.  My mind is constantly rambling and whirling as i socialize with people.  Just like it does when i try to cipher what it is that i want to create.  Acutally a bit like this quilt that I created several years ago inspired by a pattern in a book by Jan Krentz,  "Lone Star Quilts and Beyond".

To pull out what is within the tornado like turmoil constantly blowing around in my head.  If i could totally detach myself from external influences, i can soar so much further. OK maudlin, you say. perhaps so.  A bit of braggart you say. To think that i would place myself in that stratosphere. I'm told that more than a bit of bravado is needed to succeed.  As if those artists i might come into contact with, might actually accept me into their world.  You've just got to try, get out there,  i keep telling myself.  There i go again, back and forth, back and forth  . . . .   sorry  . . .  those tornados are really whipping up the dust today.   

I may have mentioned that one of my interests is in photography. If you haven't noticed, my photography is lacking a great deal of skill and talent. Blurry/fuzzy is not what i intend to show you. I want to post pictures on my blog for you to see.  I'll keep working on it.  Just so you know, it is the photography of others over which i drool. That's another of my wanna-bees, maybe one day i'll sign up for photography classes.  A girl can dream on her own blog can't she?  And while i'm dreaming, how about a private concert by the likes of Van Morrison or Eric Clapton.  And while we're dreaming, let's go all the way, how about being able to sing like Eva Cassidy, Diana Krall or Joni Mitchell, just to name a few.  I digress, sorry.

Back on task,  i guess i should finish up by telling you this:  believe it or not, the same childhood friend who used to call me mousey mary, went to camp one summer and told everyone that her name was Mary. Unfortunately, she became ill right after she arrived and the camp counselor had to phone her mom to let her know that "Mary" was very sick.  Her mother responded that she didn't have a daughter named Mary. After much confusion, the situation was finally resolved, my friend recovered quickly from the "bug",  and her mother laughingly related  the episode to everyone. Turns out her mother had always kept saying to her as she was growing up, "why can't you be more like Mary?"  So she went to camp and tried to become Mary.  Years later, this friend confided to me that she always thought that i would become a famous songstress or artist.  I was stunned. I always thought that she would become the famous one, she was one with brains, the talent and the beauty.  And then I hear that she acutally thought I could be something.  As if i could ever become as wonderful as she was.  Dang, she was in the same boat as all the other females growing up in the 1950's south. She was just bluffing her way through it much better than i.  Neither of us have yet to become famous.  Content is good enough for me so far.

OK, that's out of my system, let's get back to reality.  Just to keep you updated on the progress of my grandpuppy's portrait,  here's the current status, pins and all.  She is to be totally pieced - no applique this time.  I'm also still thinking about incorporating a/some appropriate traditional quilt blocks somewhere in there.  Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.  A perfect marriage. 

 

Hiatus Land

Hiatus - I don't think that I ever completely understood what that word meant.  Vacation, holiday, getaway, I understand.  I'm thinking that hiatus must have approximately the same connotation. So just to be certain, I looked up the definition:   hi·a·tus (h-ts)n. pl. hi·a·tus·es or hiatus  1. A gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break.  I don't feel that I am on vacation, it isn't a holiday, and I am not really getting away.  And since I am not in my studio at home, doing what I feel obssessed to do, then it must be that I am in Hiatus Land.  I really miss my newly begun project as well as all of the UFO's, calling for me.  Scratch that, screaming my name.  I am assuming that I will only be granted a limited amount of time in this life to get all the projects done (or at least started, since I'm not too good at the completion part).  Time's awastin', I can't wait to get back and get busy.

However, in the mean time, I do have internet access in Hiatus Land, and boy howdy - have my eyes ever been bugging out.  All the quilt bloggers and quilt websites have just overwhelmed me.  There is so much amazing talent out there, my feeble mind is just soooooo bogggggleeeddd.  I have enjoyed all the "youngsters" or even maybe not so young, who are doing their interpretations of  Gee's Bend Quilts.  And the colors, the fabrics, the designs, just never seem to end.  My daughter introduced me to Gee's Bend in 2003 by means of the most delightful Christmas gift.  A first edition copy of  "Gee's Bend:  The Women and Their Quilts".   I have read it cover to cover several times.  I often refer to this book for inspiration, as well as a reality check.  To top it off, while in San Francisco a couple of years later, I had the pleasure of viewing many of these quilts on display at the de Young Museum. There are no adequate words to describe those works of art or my emotions as I walked through the exhibit.

So now is where I must admit I have attempted a few semi-inspired versions for the backs of a few of my quilts.  Good thing they were the backs, cuz my pieces don't quite make the mark.  I have very few solids in my fabric stash, and loving the riots of color and design from Kaffe Fassett, among others, I tend to gravitate to fabrics of that style.  Using all the leftovers from a quilt top I randomly stitched them together for the back.  So all that being said, guess I should show you a picture of one such back.

Now for the front of the quilt.  And to explain, further, my quilt guild sponsored a workshop by Billie Lauder, in which I felt obliged to participate.   One of the projects was her quick and easy pansy quilt. In case you didn't know this, I am not a fan of quick and easy.  Of course, to keep my interest peaked in the class, I had to make it more complicated, so here's the result.  A bit busy you think?  Oh, well, it keeps me warm at night and I can drool over all the lovely fabrics as I drift off to sleep in Hiatus Land.

There is also another reason to leave Hiatus Land and get back into the studio.  Begin new projects using my own hand dyes which I will learn to do with the aid of two newly purchased books and a wonderful website I recently discovered:   Malka Dubrawsky has written a wonderful book on batiking and dyeing,  "Color Your Cloth" ;   Frieda Anderson's new book,  "Fabric to Dye For";  Melody Johnson's energetic blog , which never ceases to amaze me.    All those, not neccessarily in that order, are fantastic instructional aids, as well as delightful reads.  Drooling, drooling all the way home . . . . . .

People say the darn-dest things

Okay folks,  here is  "Shirts" in it's current state.  I discovered some lovely Kaffe Fassett shot cotton, which has an almost irridescent sheen.  It is woven with orange and teal threads but the fabric reads as a grey.  When the sunlight hits it just right you see just a bit of shimmering. Thought it was a nice contrast to the plaids and strips.  Now to the next step.  Should I add more to him, perhaps a border of another color; or plaid; or just leave him be and quilt on?  Think I'll let him hang around for a few more days and see what he has to say for himself.   Hm-m, I also had another thought.  Since I've done "Shirts and Blouses" and "Shirts", I should  try and come up with an idea for "Skins".  Hey I might have a real series thing going on here. Not. . . . . .  .

Moving on, why is it that I remember inane statements made by strangers? Case in point, when buying fabric at a quilt shop sale, the sales lady cutting my fabric asked what I was planning to do with these gorgeous batiks. I replied that I was going to incorporate them into a portrait of my grand puppy. She turned sharply to the sales lady next to her and pointing to me, made the statement that I really need some grandchildren in my life. What? Huh? I had to laugh. Certainly she did not mean to imply that I was wasting my time designing and making a quilt portrait of a dog. This happened a couple of years ago and I have yet to make this quilt. I didn't think that I was subconsciously affected by this lady's comment at that time. 

I had long ago promised my son, proud "pappa" of a lovely chocolate lab, that I would be delighted to immortilize his best friend in fabrics. I have finally gotten into the right frame of mind to jump into it, get the design and the pattern drawn and get it done. Having gotten that part completed, I began choosing the fabrics. When I came across the fabrics that I bought that day, that comment crossed my mind. This unimportant, totally insignificant, off hand comment popped into my thought process. I, again, began thinking "where did that come from?" Why did I remember this comment when I picked up these certain pieces of fabric.  And are we not complete because our children have not produced any children? Did this lady not like dogs?  Just why did she feel compelled to say that?  All sorts of questions followed me around that day.  My son is not married, nor does he need children at this point in his life. He is quite content with his dog, his cat and his fish. So why should she, a total stranger, think that I need grandchildren?  People can say the darnest things. And perhaps even more ridiculously enough, I remember the darn dest things.  Can't remember to turn off the iron, but sure did remember that comment.  Perhaps I relate certains fabrics to where and when I purchased them and what was going on all around me at that time. Sorta like relating a certain favorite song to a time and place. Am I warped or what?

In the meantime, I am having so much fun working on my grand puppy's portrait.  She makes me smile. I will keep you posted on her progress. Here is one of the reference photos that I am using for the design.  Isn't she beautiful.

Sibling Rivalry

Growing up I was always so jealous of my little sister. You see, I was my parents' one and only precious, little girl, born 5 years after my brother. Evidently brother was quite a challenge to my mother, and perhaps I was the baby doll that she didn't have as a child growing up in the Depression years. She always dressed and groomed me meticulously, much to my dismay. I was determined to spit on and wrinkle up all those perfectly starched lace collars and continuously tugged and scratched the crinolines. Hey, all those frills were itchy in the hot and humid south. I was just trying to soften them up a bit. Looking back, perhaps I was not the little girlie girl that my Mother thought I should be.



Remember in those days when pregnancy was not a word anyone said out loud. I can remember Mother answering my questions regarding her growing mid section by shushing me and saying that it was a secret. HUH? What's the big deal? Not letting it cause me any concern, I tore off my pretty little dress and pulling on a pair of shorts (no shirt because it was HOT in August), off I would run to tag along after my older brother and cousin, riding on the back of the hay wagons coming in from the fields.

Fast forward, Christmas 1954, Mother was in the hospital and came home the day after Christmas with the ultimate gift. A sweet little baby sister. Now just what was she thinking? I didn't want that thing. Sibling rivalry at it's best had reared it's ugly head. For six and a half years I had been the queen bee. On the other hand, Mother was too busy to starch all that lace and crinoline petticoats anymore, thank goodness, and I had to learn to be more independent. I had to make my own doll clothes. That opened a door that has led me to one of the greatest of life's pleasures. Mother even let me use her Singer on occasion. I can remember being SO proud of my accomplishments. Although Mother never seemed to notice how beautiful they were, I thought I was hot stuff. I found some of those doll clothes a few years ago, YIKES what was I thinking. I guess they were probably not too bad for a 7 year old girl. Today, the thrill continues. I love to play with fabric, to design with fabric, to sew pieces of fabric together, not even for a specific purpose, but just to enjoy the process and the thrill of the colors.

Fast forward, November 1977, and I have this perfect little baby girl of my own. And so the mother and daughter saga begins the seasonal repeats. Jumping right on, I must tell you that she is now a beautiful, talented, and intelligent young, married woman. No matter that the momma in me shall never forget that precious, sweet babe. This quilt is based on a snapshot from a 1978 July Fourth family picnic. She was struggling to stay awake til the last hurrah. A very serious toddler, strong and independent, always seeming to be so old for her age. I always treasured that picture that her Daddy took. So I was compelled to use it as my first attempt at a quilted portrait of a child.
Oh yes, I cannot end without telling you this. I named my daughter after my sister. Yup, the sister that brought out that green-eyed monster in me. I love her with all my heart, just as I love my daughter. My sister died a few years ago, far too young, of ovarian cancer. She, too, was a strong, independent, beautiful woman, loved by all who ever met her. I encourage all women to be strong and independent and take charge of their lives. Always remember this, "Ovarian cancer whispers, so listen." If you have the slightest feeling that there is something not quite right with your health, demand attention. If you have questions, go to this website and read. Take care of yourself.

Simple or Complicated?

Now that things are a bit settled around here, I am back to business as usual. Once I've done all the "shirts and blouses" blocks (refer to my blog back on March 4) that I can bear to do, I realized that I was in a pretty dark spot. Do you think that your life is reflected in what you might be trying to create at the time? As I look back on my home decor, my clothing and my quilts, I can definitely see a trend there. I spent most of my life trying to follow the rules. Be a good daughter, wife, mother and do what is expected of a proper, southern lady. I tried that through out my high school and college years, on into adulthood and beyond. A few years ago, I heard a life altering phrase, "out of the box". I realized that I was never a muted person on the inside. Not that I am a radical rebel, but all those rules just wear me out. A friend of mine has this quote following her signature on her e-mails.
"I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened by old ones" ...John Cage
That is saying something. It has also been said that there is nothing original in the world, or something to that effect. I am far from original in my ideas, but it is so liberating to stop listening to some of those rules and structures that I thought I must always follow. Now I am learning to just say HA to the quilt police. Doesn't it feel good to give yourself permission to be just yourself?

Back to the muted plaids and stripes blocks - I just knew it needed help, but it wouldn't do to overpower all those busy blocks with my favorite bright colors and prints. So I had to compromise: a few wonky blocks here and there with a greyed/brownish linen that I found buried in my stash. And lots of Kaffe fat quarters strung together for the backing. It is looking better already. Here is the top in it's current form. Now to get it sandwiched and quilted.

Before I end for the day, I might as well admit right now that I didn't stop with the shirts and blouses, but went on to delve into just the "shirts". Here's the idea. Not sure what will happen with these blocks, but I am just about tired of making them, so we'll see what happens next. Oh but wait! Here's another thought, make just a few more of these blocks and cut them into rounds or ovals. . . . I just have to get back to those things that my right brain really enjoys, as in "why make it simple when you make it complicated."

Validation

My world seems to have skidded to a stop after just viewing the movie, Precious. "Lausie mercy", as we used to say. (That was as close to cursing as a young southern girl ever got). Here I am, the waspy whimp, whining about my privileged life, forgetting to stop and consider what many of the world's population must be forced to deal with. Especially the female population. The very next time anyone reads about my pitiful woes, just remind me with a slight smack up side of my head. I highly recommend to everyone who has the opportunity, do not miss seeing this film. Beware to some who might be offended by the adult language, however that ain't nuthin compared to the story. A story that children, who may be living just around the corner from you, may be living. Don't let me discourage you because, on the other hand, it is an uplifting story, inspiring and hopeful in oh, so many ways. It is a Can Do tale, that leaves you exhausted but ready to take on the world.


I had just began writing a draft the other day about my creative ideas being validated. It began with these words, "why is it that I seem to need my creative thoughts validated? I have these "brilliant" ideas, begin the process, then decide that it is not worth pursuing. Months later, I buy a quilting book with the same brilliant idea that I had. Suddenly my thought was worth pursuing after all. Has this ever happened to you? Or am I the only one with such a lack of self confidence? After all, there seems to be nothing new under this sun". Why should I attempt this new project. I'll never get it finished anyway. I have just been reminded of a valuable lesson from a fictional 16 year old, African American girl. And yes, I realize that it was a film, based on a novel. All the same, it is a lesson for all of us. Get yourself up, stop the wondering and searching for approval. Appreciate that you have so much more and have so many advantages and opportunities. Don't just sit there and think about it, go after them. Just like Precious. Just like Gabourey Sidibe, the young unknown actress who portrayed the lead character, nominated for an academy award for acting. It starts with one small step, a bit of effort, and deep breath and a new sun is shining.

Honors

I have just learned that my big Orange Hibiscus was juried into the AQS show at Paducah, Kentucky. What an honor. It is always a thrill to be one of many selected to hang with some of the most talented quilt artists in the world. I never expect to win a ribbon, since my technical skills are somewhat lacking. Or more aptly said perhaps, woefully lacking. Still, the honor lifts my spirits and inspires me to continue to practice, practice, practice. Hibiscus has just returned from a stint at the Road to California show as well as the Mid-Atlantic Quilt Festival XXI in Virgina, where she was in competition with some tremendously talented quilt artists' pieces. She was quite humbled to be there and bask in the back lights of the others, though not receiving award recognition.


As I noted earlier, Thistles has won an award at the upcoming Smoky Mountain Quilt Guild show, opening March 19 - 21. 2010. For more information on this fabulous little show and all the incredible talents in this group, go to their website at www.smokymntquilters.com. Again, an incredible honor to be selected.

This will be Thistles first outing. When she has completed her time at the show in Maryville, Tennessee, she will have to ship out to the NQA show in Columbus, Ohio. in June. She was a very long time in the making and endured several crisis' with me before she was able to hang in full view. So she is very eager to get out of the house for a while and see what everyone else is up to. I am very proud of her success thus far and hope she will continue to be able to hang out with the beautiful ones. I'll tell you more about her birth and growth at another time. Just sorta enjoying the moment right now.

Comfort

Let me introduce you to Little Orphan Annie, aka Princess Anne. She came into my life at a family reunion several years ago. During a lovely Labor Day picnic, right before I left my lawn chair, plate in hand, to go to the table, still overflowing with delightful southern comfort foods, she appeared from the fields. My great-niece initially discovered her, a pitiful sight, covered with burrs and mud. She was very skinny, with a couple of chipped teeth, no doubt incurred during her homeless ordeal and encounters with curious dogs. However, much to the dismay of my great-niece and I, it seems that this creature decided that I was to be her chosen one. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG. I am so very allergic to cats. I already have one stray cat, who thinks he is a dog, but that's another story.



So now, here is this poor thing who likes me, she really likes me. She's camped out under my feet. What's a woman to do???? I have to take her home, pick out the burrs, get rid of the cooties, and take her to the vet for all the appropriate treatments. And now, Princess Anne rules the homestead. The best thing about Annie, she not only loves to cuddle, but she absolutely loves quilts. All I have to do is put a piece of fabric near her and she is on it like a duck on a Junebug. She continually lavished her attentions on the piles of fabric that I had strewn about my studio while I was creating my latest quilt, "Fractured Honeysuckles". I have almost gotten my Honey quilted, but here's a sneak peak. I will post honey in all her glory, once she is completed. You know, I think that just maybe Annie felt a kinship with this piece, considering her unknown origins, perhaps hiding from the unfriendly dogs in the late summer tangled honeysuckle vines of southeast Tennessee.

Art Imitating Life

Ah, to be young and living a carefree lifestyle. I sure didn't have all the luxuries that this younger generation seem to have when I was that age. Life's a Beach!. huh? Real life can come along and hit ya up side the face sometimes. I am still trying to get a grip. Today has been tumultuous, it's only 6:30PM and I'm ready for bed. Oh well, "tomorrow is another day", as Miz Scarlet said. And I say, it surely can't get any worse.
I've been perusing some of the lovely blogs and websites out there. That has helped to lighten my spirits. Life can still be beautiful, if you only open your eyes. There is so much that a person could submerse themselves into. (sorry, dangling participle?) So instead of drowning my sorrows, let's go work with some fabric. Back to those 4 patch squares. I have slashed bits of shirting plaids and sewn them, semi log cabin style around the 4 patches. I think I'll call the finished quilt Shirts & Blouses. It can make a nice lap quilt for someone. All those muted plaids with bright bits of color. Whacha think?




Just so you know, this is not the type of quilt that I currently enjoy making. It is far too simplistic albeit more user friendly. But it is something that is getting me through this time in my life. And to add to the upbeat trend, I just learned that my latest piece has received an award in it's catagory in a regional quilt show. SO NICE. Thanks folks. To paraphrase Dirty Harry, "You just made my day". Here's a closeup of a small portion of thistles.


So to sum up my past few days, when life leaves you with dirty dishes, as Tony Soprano might say "forget about it!" And I say, "Go play with fabric!"

Stress

I don't know what it is about stress and my inability to deal with it. When I encounter a family member's life threatening occurance, it seems to inhibit my ability to be creative. The ordeal has happened, it has been dealt with for the present time, but that ominous cloud that seems to hover up there in my subconscious, just won't let me pass on into my right brain. I seem to feel that I must continue to stay focused on that issue and continue to live with the stress.

At last I decided to go into my studio and see what would happen. After looking around at a quilt I had laying next to my machine, half quilted, another on the design wall, waiting for inspiration, I picked up a baggie filled with leftover 2 inch squares of fabric and began to sew them together. Please understand that I am not a perfectionist when it comes to the technical aspects of quilt making or sewing. But I tediously worked with each piece to make a perfect 1/4 inch seam. If it didn't appear to be perfect, I patiently ripped it apart and sewed the seam again. Of course, once I had all these four patches sew together, I then felt that I had to create a quilt design to place them into. I could not think of anything that I wanted to do with a huge stack of four patches. So I began to go through all my of quilt books and magazines. I came upon the "perfect" plan in one of Kaffe Fasset's books. Or so I thought. But no. As I put it on my design wall, it looked horrible. It is far too structured. I cannot do another traditional quilt. It bores me to tears, and I know that is something that I will never complete. Don't be offended if you love traditional quilts. I love them too. I just cannot make one. I could begin one, but I would never, never, ever complete it.

So here I am with this stack of four patch squares, and AHA. Why not just do what I enjoy doing? Grab a basket of random scraps and start sewing them all around these perfect, little four patches. Oh, what a stress relief! Hello right brain!

Voices

Ok, I've been reading blog after blog by all sorts of folks. Most are very interesting and many are quite informative. I've never thought that I had enough to say that would hold anyone's attention or interest long enough to complete reading what I have to say. So I guess I'll just do this for my own satisfaction. To get things off my chest, to put into words some of my bursts of : WOW why didn't I think of that sooner. And also, because, at my age, I tend to forget that brilliant thought that I just had, in the time it takes to walk from the laundry room to my computer. Which is, I am ashamed to admit, is only 15 steps. And now all that being said, yes, I have indeed already forgotten that flash of brillance that I wanted to jot down for posterity. So much for my first blog post.

Now, most blogs that I read are very professionally done by artists of all types and many of those in the 30 something generation. So I hope that the over 60 something people out there will find me and be able to relate, just a bit, to what I am attempting to do here. I most likely won't have a daily post. Like I stated before, I just don't have that much to write about. But I do hope that this will stimulate some of that left brain, or is it right brain?, activity and I will continue this on at least a weekly basis.

The brilliant burst that I have already forgotten walking from the laundry room to the computer, seems to have concerned something about having a voice. Not just a vocal voice, or a polititical voice, but a I am who I am voice. Many artists and designers seem to feel that they must conscentrate on one particular area. I totally understand this, as today's world seems to be one of specialization. That is of course a good thing for many professions, but sometimes I feel that it is overkill. What good is having a specialty in this fast paced, constantly changing world? Yesterday eggs would kill you, now they are a good source of protein. What happened to the "jack of all trades, master of none" theory? Why not chill just a bit, explore all areas and learn all you can from all areas of expertise? Of course, if you have something that you are passionate about, go for the gold ring. But in the meantime, keep searching and learning and expanding. Hey, what's wrong with being a bit A.D.D.? I think I have always been that way, but in 1955, they just didn't have a name for it. Or maybe it's just my excuse for not teaching myself to focus. Momma always told me growing up, that if it's good enough to start, then it's good enough to finish. I disagree - sometimes it's just not worth it. Maybe this blog thing isn't such a good idea . . . . . . . .